Plant Had Their Reasons

By: MELANIE SZUCS, MA, LPC, LMFT

Like many of us, I too have been swept up in the craze of the Apple TV+ show Ted Lasso. As the pandemic was raging and nothing seemed to be going quite right, it was like salve on my weary soul to see people being good and kind. As an avid fan, I did my due diligence and watched some interviews with the cast and writers. One of these was with Brett Goldstein, a writer on the show who also plays the warm and cuddly Roy Kent. 

In the interview, he talked about a silly YouTube dating show he made himself during lockdown, where he went on dates with various objects in his apartment. He talked about one character, Plant, who is unlikeable at first, but by the end of the show, you realize that Plant had their reasons. Similarly, Goldstein stated that the writers create many characters on Ted Lasso who are unlikeable at first, but who all have their reasons for being the way they are. 

This is a lesson I have learned many times over in my counseling office. As people, from all different backgrounds and levels of distress, come into my office and courageously invite me into their places of pain, one thing I always see is that everyone has their reasons. When a wife keeps bringing up the same issue with her spouse, she is driven by a fear of loneliness, that if the issue is not resolved, her beloved might leave her. When a little boy is disrespectful to his mother, he is feeling overwhelmed by emotions and just trying to push away the discomfort. Even choices I would not make myself, I can understand when I see the deeper motivations. 

This point is where most of us get tripped up, I think. Someone hurts us and our protections go up. We are wired for connection, and when something disrupts that connection, it feels safer and less scary to hide behind our walls than to step into potentially painful territory again. I want to say both that I completely get that (and do it myself), AND that I want to invite you to choose curiosity. To choose to explore Plant’s reasons. 

I know this concept is nothing new, but I find that we often forget this truth. We forget it when our friend doesn’t return our texts. We forget it when our partner shuts down and pulls away. And we especially forget it when we make mistakes and try to berate ourselves into better behavior. 

This is not to excuse hurtful or harmful behaviors. We still have to take responsibility for our choices. But I have found in myself so much more empathy when I remember that most of the time, we are all just looking for love, acceptance, and belonging. When we can understand those longings in ourselves and others, it invites us to a deeper, more intimate connection. 

So if you find yourself confused or frustrated or over it, I encourage you to say quietly to yourself, “Plant had their reasons.”